Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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