Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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