I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
