Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
