this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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