I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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