he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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