Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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