If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
