I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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