My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
