what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
