why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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