first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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