she looked like the before picture.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
