I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
