wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am one with the molecules
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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