How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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