Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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