I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
