How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
