Pappa wants mamma naked
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
