you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
