glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
