in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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