i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize