some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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