I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
