So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
