I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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