I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
