a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
