He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And then my night got REAL pukey
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
