If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
