Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
