so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
