I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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