One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
