I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's just like the Real World with babies
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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