i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
