I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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