Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
