btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
