is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
