Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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