Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
