i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
