to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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