dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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