i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
