you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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