So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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