just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
