So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
