Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
