Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
