Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
