so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
