K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Acid is not a monday night drug
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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