So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
