so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
