I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
