He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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