been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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