i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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