I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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