I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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