why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This baby is an asshole
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
