Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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