Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
