Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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