I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
