I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize