somebody snuck up and got me drunk
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
