i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
