I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
