She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
