I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
