Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
