My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
