Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
